Not Sure I Am Working

I had a conversation today with Belgian Mark today in the lunchroom.  Mark is a career military man a few years younger than myself.  He told me he is about to turn 50 and I told him how marvelous that is.  That I started to come alive just before I turned 50.  It is nice to know that men often have the same feelings and urges as women.  He wants to have meaning in his life.  He wants to feel loved and have a good relationship with someone.  He wants to make sure his children are taken care of.  He wants to do things that will challenge him.  

I also told him that I am happy; that I am really not sure if I am working or not, because I am having so much fun.  I am meeting amazing people, learning a lot, talking to Afghans, seeing ways of life that are alien to my own experience in many ways.  I am not even sure I am here to help the Afghans anymore.  It is true that in many ways we are richer materialistically, but I am not so sure about other ways.  Perhaps it is so, perhaps it is not so.  We don't really know the inner workings of another human being, but I am here to ask and find out.  

That is an amazing thing.  Yesterday I went out on a mission for the very first time.  It was fun.  I sat in a Dingo with four young German soldiers and drove to some remove villages.  Before we got to the first village, we stopped at an American post.  I met a young Afghan interpreter there.  We had time to chat.  He told me he was from a village not far from Masar-e Sharif.  His father has a shoe boutique and his brother teaches psychology at Boston University.  He is a medic by training, but was only making $300 per month.  This is probably the average salary for a middle class Afghan.  He said he needed more, so he applied to be an interpreter for the Americans. He is also a flutist and novelist.  He is about to publish his first novel in Dari/Farsi.  He speaks seven languages.  He desires to go to America, he said anything is possible there.  He would like to pursue schooling and become an engineer.  

He said he is very grateful to the allied forces and especially to the Americans for helping get rid of the Taliban.  He said most educated people are glad they are gone.  He also made an interesting comment that his mother relayed and wishes to pass on so I will pass it on to you.  She said, it would be nice if some civilians come here to live and show Afghans how to live.  She said the military can get rid of the Taliban, but they cannot teach Afghans how to live.  

This morning when I was going to the gym, I started a conversation with a young man there too, his name is Aziz.  Aziz is 25 years old.  He keeps the gym tidy and clean, but wishes to become an interpreter too.  He showed me his vocabulary book.  It is filled with phrases and sayings in English and Dari.  I told him I want to improve my Dari so several times a week we are going to meet and help each other.  

This morning I was taking trash out to the garbage and one of the young Afghan men who are digging the ditches stopped me and took the garbage from me and threw it away for me.  Sooo sweet these young Afghan men are.  

I am also meeting interesting people here on the base as well.  One of my friends is a civil affairs Major from New York.  He is also a film maker and hangs out with Tony-award winning performers.  He is always singing, making light comedy, and wants to do a radio show for Afghans based on something from mythology, I think I mentioned him in my last blog too.  I have met two social scientists from the Netherlands who are working with us on evaluating the rule of law here.  The rule of law is a program where police, judges, DAs,, participants in the whole system are mentored and trained.  It is being watched closely by the Parliament and many parliament members and event he prime minister were here not long ago to witness and evaluate the program.  It is a privilege to work with these people on it.  One of the social scientists is also a psychotherapist involved in Sufism, archetypes, and so on.  Tonight I read a paper he wrote on learning about our own shadows, being courageous, making contact with the Afghans and helping them to make slow but deep changes--helping to heal.  

As I said, I am not sure I am working, I think I am having way too much fun.  I go on another mission tomorrow.  Yesterday, I met with an Arbab, a village elder--had tea with him and several other men in a traditional mehman khaneh.  It was made of adobe--mud and straw, much like the thick mud walled buildings of the traditional southwest and Mexico.  It was pleasant and warm.  Inside was a metal barrel with a pipe that used wood or dung for heat.  

In the fields were the remains of last year's rice fields, cows, donkeys, I saw a lot of beautiful chickens, dogs, many birds, groves of poplar trees, new wheat beginning to grow, and a variety of homes, from concrete and painted to little mud hovels.  There were many little children, mostly little boys.  Some shy, some helpful, some naughty.  I held some of their little tiny hands.  Some were frozen cold and rough from exposure to the elements.  A lot of the children had runny noses and the villagers said right now many of the children were sick with colds.  Many were short of stature, and I am not sure if it is because they have had inadequate nutrition or this is their natural height.  None showed overt signs of malnutrition however.  No one had gloves on, some didn't have socks, but all the little boys either had on a coat or a very warm sweater.  I was very cold and the wind here is freezing.  

I noticed that the Afghan villagers that I saw took really good care of their animals. The donkeys and cows had quilted blankets on them.  If there is something like a happy cow, I think I saw a lot of them.  

The roads are awful to these villages, there is no electricity, there are problems with flooding, inadequate space for school or no school, and sometimes no medical services for miles.  I was told that some of the women die on the way to the hospital to deliver and that there were no trained midwives, just older women in the village with some experience in delivering.  The villagers say there are no security problems and they would like the girls to attend school, but without enough room, the boys end up getting preference.  In some places they sit outside under the trees for their class rooms.  

People waved at me along the road--smiling when they saw my face.  There were young boys who waved hello and then crossed their hands across there heart.  There were little girls who ran in doors and then quickly opened them to spy on the parade of vehicles going by.  

In one village, I was asked why I was here in Afghanistan.  I told them that about 40 years ago, I saw some pictures of Afghanistan and always wanted to come here.  That is one reason.  I told them that I fell in love with their history and many aspects of their culture.  That is another reason.  I told my colleagues I was bored.  That is true too.  I also wanted to challenge myself and use some of my background and experience to do something worthwhile.  I am not sure if I will really make a difference in these people's lives.  I hope so, but they have already impacted mine with their sweetness and kindness toward me.  Their smiles, their waves hello, their natural curiosity--

I hope that I assimilate some of this into my life too.